Christmas record covers
Posted: December 8, 2014 Filed under: Christmas | Tags: album covers, bad album covers, bad record covers, Christmas album covers, Christmas record covers, funny album covers, funny record covers, record covers, retro, retro albums, retro music, retro records, scary album covers, scary record covers, strange album covers, strange record covers, Worst album covers, worst Christmas album covers, worst Christmas record covers, worst record covers Leave a commentSince you are here, why not follow me on Twitter
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There’s an almost endless supply of Christmas records. Here I celebrate the best of the worst Christmas record covers. Some of these are amazing, dome are bad and some are amazingly bad.
First up is this one that was tweeted to me by @mr_pastry @ChrisBall11 and @Stewpot
This one is a contender for dodgiest Santa award via @Andythatwitt
Another example from @mr_pastry
Santa is drunk at Gilley’s via @cacauencorfa
Christmas a go go from @ann_sequinworld
Arrrgghhh, look out. Cliff!
A selection of ‘family time’ covers
Oh no. Gary Glitter!
Pass the sick bucket.
Santa has been on the disco biscuits.
WTF?
A bit inappropriate
Even Mo(o)re inappropriate
Yeah. Boozing kids
Go home Santa, you’re drunk.
This one isn’t bad. Its superb!
Pimp my sleigh
Heino had to make an appearance
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Tweet me your best / worst Christmas record covers.
Update. The following have been tweeted to me since the original blog post.
From @mr_pastry
From @zenith242
From @ann_sequinworld
From @Once_Tricky
From @LordTed2011
From @keirshiels
From @FiDRoC
From @dominic4346
And finally, this quite fantastic fake
Football
Posted: November 4, 2014 Filed under: Football | Tags: album covers, bad album covers, bad record covers, diamond lights, football music, football record covers, footballers singing, hoddle and waddle, record covers, Worst album covers Leave a commentSince you are here, why not follow me on Twitter
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Football and music. Usually an awful combination, whether it be a cup final team, a novelty jingoistic international tournament record or a footballer trying his hand at singing, they are often very bad indeed. With that in mind I thought I would treat you to a selection of footballer record covers rather than subject you to selection of actual songs. Some of these covers are surprisingly good.
I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed researching them. If you do, I may well do a follow up. Please be aware that some of the ‘facts’ may not be 100% accurate.
The only place to start when talking about footballers is Pele. Regarded by many as the greatest footballer ever. He has subsequently been asked to provide numerous lists of who he thinks the best footballers have been. I think at the last count he has included approximately 350 different names in his various top 100s. He scored 400million goals in 1000 games or something and once had a header saved by Gordon Banks.
Here’s an obscure one. Iconic football manager Brian Clough in a collaboration with JJ Barrie. I’d never heard this one before and was unsure of how genuine it was but a quick search found that “the greatest manager England never had” did indeed feature on this single. Here’s the cover and the song in full. Well I never!
Probably the best Scunthorpe player of his generation, poodle-permed, Kevin Keegan went on to become an England player and manager. He once said of his musical career “I would love it, love it if my records broke into the top 40”. He got his wish, Head Over Heels In Love reached number 31 in the UK and number 10 in Germany. He was going to pursue a longer career in the music industry but he had enough and threw in the towel.
Keegan caused a bit of a shockwave when he sold Andy Cole to rivals Manchester United in 1995. A bigger shockwave was caused when Andy Cole released this piece of self absorbed rubbish 4 years later. Andy was so embarrassed by the single that he changed his name to Andrew Cole in an attempt to distance himself from the record.
On to another ex England player and manager Glenn Hoddle with his partner in musical crime Chris Waddle, also a former England international. They released Diamond Lights, which peaked at number 12 in the UK charts, in 1987 at the height of Waddle’s mullet period. Hoddle was quoted as saying about his musical career “You have to learn and face some of the things you have done, good and bad. There are too many injustices around. The karma is working from another lifetime”… before saying something horrible about disabled people.
Not content with ruining the burgeoning musical career of one team mate, Chris Waddle went on to crush Basil Boli’s dream of pop stardom. The disappointed Frenchman had to make do with head butting Stuart Pearce and scoring the winning goal in the 1993 European Champions league final.
Waddle’s mate Paul ‘gazza’ Gascoigne recorded two singles in 1990. Fog On The Tyne and Geordie Boys were both shocking but undeterred, he ploughed on and released an album as well.
Here we have former Dutch international footballer Win Van Hanegan alongside referee Frans Derks.
Van Hanegan was a Feyenoord legend, he played 52 times for his country including the 1974 World Cup Final.
Derks was a Dutch football referee for over 20 years.
I’m just waiting for the Mark Clattenburg and John Terry single to be released.
Frans Derks also did the odd solo
Another member of that Dutch 1974 World Cup Final team also did a single.
A true football legend Johan Cruyff. He was world footballer of the year 3 times and won the European cup 3 times when it was the proper European cup ;). He even had a turn named after him, which makes you look really silly if you can’t quite pull it off.
Johnny Rep. Guess what… He also played in the 1974 World Cup final for the Dutch.
Finishing the line up of Dutch 1974 World Cup Final players is Rene Van De Kerkhof. He came on as a 2nd half substitute for Wim Rijsbergen.
Here he is with his twin brother Willy. Willy was a member of the 1974 squad but he didn’t play in the final. Both Rene and Willy did play in the 1978 World Cup Final though.
Staying with the Dutch, “sexy football” proponent Ruud Gullit released this not so sexy record in 1994.
Ruud’s team mates, Marco “what a volley” Van Basten and Frank “spit in your mullet” Rijkaard also got in on the dodgy record game with this horror in 1990. Translated roughly to “It’s nice to be in Italy! / We turn the whole world upside down”
Yet another 1974 World Cup Final player, although this time the winning captain, also released 2 singles. You are lucky / 1: 0 for the love and You alone / Good friends, no one can separate…
Here is Franz Beckenbauer looking as cool as he did whilst playing. Probably the greatest ever German footballer he won the World Cup twice as a player and once as a manager as well as 3 ‘proper’ European cups
I’m starting to wonder if every player from the 1974 World Cup Final released a record. Goal machine, Gerd Muller, scorer of the winning goal in that match, released 4 singles. Below is the pick of the covers from 1967. Raba da da roughly translates to raba da da.
German international twins Erwin and Helmut Kremers were the first set of twins to play in the Bundesliga. They were also the first set of twins to release records whist playing in the Bundesliga.
The songs are entitled, Dance With Me, Beautiful Girl and The Girl Of My Dreams.
Scorer of the most goals in a single world cup tournament, Just Fontaine. Just scored 13 goals for France in the 1958 competition.
Everyone’s favourite age defying, corner flag dance celebrating, Cameroonian, Roger Milla recorded this album in 1991. He became the oldest ever World Cup finals goal scorer when he netted against Russia in 1994 at the age of about 42ish.
Former Belgian international goalkeeper Jean Marie Paff did a couple of songs during his playing career. Just like his musical hero, Ozzy Osbourne, Paff went on to be a TV star with a reality show that followed him and his family for 10 years. Unlike Ozzy, he has never had a quad bike accident, he did nearly drown in a swimming pool though when a reporter pushed him into one.
Enzo Scifo is another former Belgian international who tried his hand in the music business. Unfortunately he only released one single and decided to concentrate on his football instead.
Jay Jay Okocha 1994
Djibril Cisse
Klaus Schlappner. I’d never heard of him either but I liked the cover of this record. He was a football manager in Germany and was the first foreigner to manage the Chinese national team
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Moustaches
Posted: November 3, 2014 Filed under: Moustaches | Tags: album covers, bad album covers, bad record covers, moustache, moustache albums, moustache records, moustache singers, Movember, record covers, Worst album covers Leave a commentSince you are here, why not follow me on Twitter
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It’s Movember time!
The time when men grow a moustache for a month to raise money and awareness for prostate cancer, testicular cancer and mental health problems.
To date the Movember foundation has raised £346 million and funded over 800 programmes in 21 countries.
Excellent work I’m sure you would agree.
The only issue I have with the whole Movember thing is, that as a full time wearer of an 8 inch handlebar moustache, I get lots of hilarious comments on how quickly I have managed to grow such fabulous upper lip upholstery. It’s only a little bit irksome though and I fully support anyone who enters into the spirit of Movember.
So with hairy lips in mind for the month I thought I would celebrate the best and worst of moustaches on record covers. Sit back and marvel at the hirsute manliness of these fine specimens.
More info on November can be found using the following links
Movember UK
Movember worldwide
You can also follow them on Twitter
Follow @MovemberUK
Follow @Movember
Follow @MovemberAUS
Cheating slightly.
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Hot Hits
Posted: October 29, 2014 Filed under: Hot Hits | Tags: hot hits, hot hits album covers, hot hits albums, mfp, mfp label, music for pleasure, retro, retro album, retro album covers, retro record covers, retro records Leave a commentSince you are here, why not follow me on Twitter
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Following the positive reaction I had to my Top Of The Pops blog post I thought I would follow it up with this.
The Hot Hits series ran for just 3 years and covered 20 albums.
Released on the Music For Pleasure (MFP) label, they featured a selection of popular tracks of the time performed by session artists. MFP had a motto, “Can you tell the difference between these and the original sounds?” You could of course tell the difference, but they sold well so did it really matter? Rumours suggest that Elton John, Larry Adler, Tina Charles, Big Jim Sullivan and even David Bowie appeared as session singers and musicians.
I am in no way suggesting these album covers are bad although they could be considered sexist by today’s standards. They were of their time and featured semi clad ladies with a clear sporting theme running through them from issue 6 onwards.
Hot Hits – July 1970
In The Summertime – originally by Mungo Jerry
Something – originally by Shirley Bassey
Neanderthal Man – originally by Hotlegs
Up Around The Bend – originally by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Groovin’ With Mr Bloe – originally by Mr Bloe
I Will Survive – originally by Arrival
Goodbye Sam Hello Samantha – originally by Cliff Richard
Lady D’Arbanville – originally by Cat Stevens
Lola – originally by The Kinks
Vehicle – originally by The Ides Of March
Love Of The Common People – originally by Nicky Thomas
Sally – originally by Gerry Monroe
Hot Hits 2 – September 1970
Montego Bay – originally by Bobby Bloom
It’s So Easy – originally by Andy Williams
Paranoid – originally by Black Sabbath
Band Of Gold – originally by Freda Payne
Gasoline Alley Bred – originally by The Hollies
Which Way You Goin’ Billy – originally by The Poppy Family
Wild World – originally by Jimmy Cliff
Sweetheart – originally by Engelbert Humperdinck
Long As I Can See The Light – originally by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Love Is Life – originally by Hot Chocolate
Don’t Play That Song – originally by Aretha Franklin
You Can Get It If You Really Want – originally by Desmond Dekker
Hot Hits 3 – November 1970
Woodstock – originally by Matthews Southern Comfort
Patches – originally by Clarence Carter
Snowbird – originally by Anne Murray
It’s Wonderful (To Be Loved By You) – originally by Jimmy Ruffin
New World In The Morning – originally by Roger Whittaker
Indian Reservation – originally by Don Fardon
War – originally by Edwin Starr
San Bernadino – originally by Christie
We’ve Only Just Begun – originally by The Carpenters
The Witch – originally by The Rattles
Think About Your Children – originally by Mary Hopkin
Ruby Tuesday – originally by Melanie
Hot Hits 4 – February 1971
My Sweet Lord – originally by George Harrison
The Resurrection Shuffle – originally by Ashton Gardner & Dyke
Rose Garden – originally by Lynn Anderson
Las Vegas – originally by Tony Christie
Stoney End – originally by Barbra Streisand
Who Put The Lights Out – originally by Dana
Sweet Caroline – originally by Neil Diamond
(Where Do I Begin) Love Story – originally by Henry Mancini
Chestnut Mare – originally by The Byrds
It’s Impossible – originally by Perry Como
Right Wheel, Left Hammer, Sham – originally by The Tremeloes
Why – originally by Roger Whittaker
Hot Hits 5 – April 1971
Knock Three Times – originally by Dawn
Jig A Jig – originally by East Of Eden
Remember Me – originally by Diana Ross
Double Barrel – originally by Dave & Ansil Collins
Mozart 40 – originally by Waldo De Los Rios
Malt And Barley Blues – originally by McGuinness Flint
I Am… I Said – originally by Neil Diamond
Brown Sugar – originally by The Rolling Stones
Something Old Something New – originally by The Fantastics
It Don’t Come Easy – originally by Ringo Starr
Rosetta – originally by Fame & Price Together
Joy To The World – originally by Three Dog Night
Hot Hits 6 – July 1971
Zoo De Zoo Zong – originally by Twiggy
River Deep Mountain High – originally by The Supremes & The Four Tops
Banner Man – originally by Blue Mink
Me And You And A Dog Named Boo – originally by Lobo
When You Are A King – originally by White Plains
Pied Piper – originally by Bob & Marcia
Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep – originally by Middle Of The Road
Tom Tom Turnaround – originally by New World
Don’t Let It Die – originally by Hurricane Smith
Black And White – originally by Greyhound
Monkey Spanner – originally by Dave & Ansil Collins
Co-Co – originally by The Sweet
This reached number 1 in the UK album charts. The only Hot Hits album to do so.
Hot Hits 7 – September 1971
Freedom Come Freedom Go – originally by The Fortunes
Reason To Believe – originally by Rod Stewart
Did You Ever – originally by Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood
Nathan Jones – originally by The Supremes
Cousin Norman – originally by Marmalade
Tweedle Dee Tweedle Dum – originally by Middle Of The Road
Tap Turns On The Water – originally by CCS
Maggie May – originally by Rod Stewart
I Believe (In Love) – originally by Hot Chocolate
For All We Know – originally by Shirley Bassey
Back Street Luv – originally by Curved Air
You’ve Got A Friend – originally by James Taylor
For those wondering, the pictures were taken at Stamford Bridge, home of Chelsea FC
Hot Hits – 8 – November 1971
Surrender – originally by Diana Ross
Johnny Reggae – originally by The Piglets
Look Around – originally by Vince Hill
Jeepster – originally by T Rex
Banks Of The Ohio – originally by Olivia Newton-John
Tired Of Being Alone – originally by Al Green
Till – originally by Tom Jones
Gypsies Tramps And Thieves – originally by Cher
Coz I Luv You – originally by Slade
I Will Return – originally by Springwater
Brandy – originally by Scott English
Run Baby Run – originally by The Newbeats
Hot Hits – 9 – January 1972
Theme From Shaft – originally by Isaac Hayes
Morning Has Broken – originally by Cat Stevens
I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing – originally by The New Seekers
Sleepy Shores – originally by The Johnny Pearson Orchestra
Brand New Key – originally by Melanie
Soley Soley – originally by Middle Of The Road
I Just Can’t Help Believing – originally by Elvis Presley
Morning – originally by Val Doonican
Theme From The Onedin Line – originally by The Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra
Mother Of Mine – originally by Neil Reid
Softly Whispering I Love You – originally by The Congregation
Kara Kara – originally by New World
Hot Hits – 10 – March 1972
Jesus – originally by Cliff Richard
Day By Day – originally by Holly Sherwood
Storm In A Teacup – originally by The Fortunes
Without You – originally by Nilsson
Got To Be There – originally by Michael Jackson
American Pie – originally by Don McLean
Look Wot You Dun – originally by Slade
Mother And Child Reunion – originally by Paul Simon
All I Ever Need Is You – originally by Sonny & Cher
Say You Don’t Mind – originally by Colin Blunstone
Day After Day – originally by Badfinger
Beg Steal Or Borrow – originally by The New Seekers
Hot Hits – 11 – May 1972
The Young New Mexican Puppeteer – originally by Tom Jones
Sweet Talkin’ Guy – originally by The Chiffons
A Thing Called Love – originally by Johnny Cash & The Evangel Temple Choir
Radancer – originally by Marmalade
Come What May – originally by Vicky Leandros
Stir It Up – originally by Johnny Nash
Crying Laughing Loving Lying – originally by Labi Siffre
Back Off Boogaloo – originally by Ringo Starr
Heart Of Gold – originally by Neil Young
I Am What I Am – originally by Greyhound
Amazing Grace – originally by The Pipes & Drums & Military Band Of The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards
Debora – originally by Tyrannosaurus Rex
Yes, that is Caroline Munroe
Hot Hits – 12 – July 1972
Song Sung Blue – originally by Neil Diamond
Rockin’ Robin – originally by Michael Jackson
Sister Jane – originally by New World
Take Me Bak ‘Ome – originally by Slade
An American Trilogy – originally by Elvis Presley
Little Willy – originally by The Sweet
Vincent – originally by Don McLean
Rock And Roll (Parts 1 And 2) – originally by Gary Glitter
Circles – originally by The New Seekers
Mary Had A Little Lamb – originally by Wings
Little Bit Of Love – originally by Free
Ooh-Wakka-Doo-Wakka-Day – originally by Gilbert O’Sullivan
Hot Hits – 13 – August 1972
Automatically Sunshine – originally by The Supremes
Where Is The Love – originally by Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway
Popcorn – originally by Hot Butter
Silver Machine – originally by Hawkwind
My Guy – originally by Mary Wells
School’s Out – originally by Alice Cooper
Seaside Shuffle – originally by Terry Dactyl & The Dinosaurs
The Loco-Motion – originally by Little Eva
The Slider – originally by T Rex
10538 Overture – originally by The Electric Light Orchestra
Samson And Delilah – originally by Middle Of The Road
You Wear It Well – originally by Rod Stewart
Hot Hits – 14 – September 1972
Children Of The Revolution – originally by T Rex
Mouldy Old Dough – originally by Lieutenant Pigeon
Goodbye To Love – originally by The Carpenters
Backstabbers – originally by The O’Jays
Too Young – originally by Donny Osmond
Donna – originally by 10CC
Burning Love – originally by Elvis Presley
You’re A Lady – originally by Peter Skellern
Wig-Wam Bam – originally by The Sweet
The Guitar Man – originally by Bread
I Didn’t Know I Loved You (Til I Saw You Rock ‘N’ Roll) – originally by Gary Glitter
How Can I Be Sure – originally by David Cassidy
Hot Hits – 15 – December 1972
Getting A Drag – originally by Lynsey De Paul
Rock Me Baby – originally by David Cassidy
Crazy Horses – originally by The Osmonds
Angel – originally by Rod Stewart
I’m Stone In Love With You – originally by The Stylistics
Gudbuy T’Jane – originally by Slade
What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made A Loser Out Of Me) – originally by Rod Stewart
Crocodile Rock – originally by Elton John
Why – originally by Donny Osmond
I Don’t Believe In Miracles – originally by Colin Blunstone
Lookin’ Through The Windows – originally by The Jackson 5
Stay With Me – originally by Blue Mink
Hot Hits – 16 – January 1973
Blockbuster – originally by The Sweet
You’re So Vain – originally by Carly Simon
Always On My Mind – originally by Elvis Presley
Relay – originally by The Who
Dreidel – originally by Don McLean
The Jean Genie – originally by David Bowie
Me And Mrs Jones – originally by Billy Paul
C Moon – originally by Wings
Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone – originally by The Temptations
Ball Park Incident – originally by Wizzard
Roll Over Beethoven – originally by The Electric Light Orchestra
Wishing Well – originally by Free
Hot Hits – 17 – March 1973
Cum On Feel The Noize – originally by Slade
Killing Me Softly With His Song – originally by Roberta Flack
Power To All Our Friends – originally by Cliff Richard
Feel The Need In Me – originally by The Detroit Emeralds
Pinball Wizard – See Me Feel Me (medley) – originally by The New Seekers
Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree – originally by Dawn featuring Tony Orlando
By The Devil (I Was Tempted) – originally by Blue Mink
Gonna Make You An Offer You Can’t Refuse – originally by Jimmy Helms
The Twelfth Of Never – originally by Donny Osmond
20th Century Boy – originally by T Rex
Doctor My Eyes – originally by The Jackson 5
Never Never Never – originally by Shirley Bassey
Hot Hits – 18 – May 1973
Hell Raiser – originally by The Sweet
Brother Louie – originally by Hot Chocolate
No More Mr Nice Guy – originally by Alice Cooper
Giving It All Away – originally by Roger Daltrey
See My Baby Jive – originally by Wizzard
Drive-In Saturday – originally by David Bowie
Broken Down Angel – originally by Nazareth
You Want It You Got It – originally by The Detroit Emeralds
And I Love You So – originally by Perry Como
Also Sprach Zarathustra (2001) – originally by Deodato
One And One Is One – originally by Medicine Head
Could It Be I’m Falling In Love – originally by The Detroit Spinners
Hot Hits – 19 – June 1973
Can You Do It – originally by Geordie
Hallelujah Day – originally by The Jackson 5
Stuck In The Middle With You – originally by Stealer’s Wheel
Honaloochie Boogie – originally by Mott The Hoople
Standing On The Inside – originally by Neil Sedaka
The Groover – originally by T Rex
Snoopy vs The Red Baron – originally by The Hotshots
Give Me Love (Give Me Peace On Earth) – originally by George Harrison
Welcome Home – originally by Peters & Lee
Sweet Illusion – originally by Junior Campbell
Take Me To The Mardi Gras – originally by Paul Simon
Live And Let Die – originally by Wings
The model is former page 3 girl Jilly Johnson.
Hot Hits – 20 – August 1973
Yesterday Once More – originally by The Carpenters
(Dancing) On A Saturday Night – originally by Barry Blue
Touch Me In The Morning – originally by Diana Ross
Say Has Anybody Seen My Sweet Gypsy Rose – originally by Dawn featuring Tony Orlando
You Can Do Magic – originally by Limmie & The Family Cookin
Smarty Pants – originally by First Choice
I’m The Leader Of The Gang (I Am) – originally by Gary Glitter
48 Crash – originally by Suzi Quatro
Rising Sun – originally by Medicine Head
Bad Bad Boy – originally by Nazareth
All Right Now – originally by Free
Alright Alright Alright – originally by Mungo Jerry
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Heino
Posted: October 23, 2014 Filed under: Heino | Tags: album covers, bad album covers, bad record covers, funny album covers, funny record covers, German, German albums, German records, German singers, Heino, record covers, retro, retro albums, retro music, retro records, scary album covers, scary record covers, strange album covers, strange record covers, Worst album covers, worst record covers Leave a commentSince you are here, why not follow me on Twitter
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Possibly the most regular artist tweeted to me on @BadAlbumCovers is the German legend Heino.
Real name Heinz Georg Kram he has been making music since 1966 and is still going strong. He has sold, quite staggeringly, over 50 million records which makes him one of Germany’s most successful artists. To put that into context, Nirvana, Bob Marley and The Spice Girls sold about 75 million each.
He was born in 1938 and has been married 3 times
People often wrongly assume he has albinism due to his dark glasses and light hair. He wears the glasses due to exophthalmos, a kind of bulging of the eyes caused by Grave’s disease which is quite rare for men. His early record covers show him without the glasses but from 1969 onwards they become his trademark.
In total I can find 44 albums, 48 singles and 63 compilations. A lot of the covers would not be out of place on my twitter feed but I think he has an uber cool look about him on some of them. I have included a selection for your enjoyment and for you to judge yourself.
Whatever you think of his record covers the fella really can sing, not that that is a requirement to appear on this blog.
Heino… He may look strange but he is a German baritone legend, I salute you sir!
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Devastatin’ Dave – The Turntable Slave
Posted: October 22, 2014 Filed under: An in depth look at | Tags: album covers, bad album covers, bad record covers, devastatin Dave, Devastating Dave, record covers, retro, retro albums, retro music, retro records, Worst album covers, worst record covers, zip zap rap Leave a commentSince you are here, why not follow me on Twitter
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Welcome to my first blog post where I take a closer look at a bad record cover.
First up is a classic that comes up on most searches for bad album art.
Zip, Zap Rap by Devastatin’ Dave The Turntable Slave. Released on Superstar international records, produced by Wayne Henderson and engineered by Dennis ‘deaf pea’ Parker.
Not much is known about Dave, the song is credited to D Cary so I am going to assume that is Dave. We do know that this was his only record unfortunately. What we don’t know is just how devastatin’ he really was or if he ever threw off the shackles of turntable slavery.
As for Wayne Henderson, it is unclear if this is the same Wayne Henderson of The Jazz Crusaders fame but I really like to think it is.
We do know about Dennis ‘deaf pea’ Parker though. He has been nominated for 7 Grammy awards winning 2 of them along with 3 Latin Grammy awards. His former band, Allmen Joy have shared the billing with greats such as Alice Cooper, Santana, The Doors and The Velvet Underground. Parker also played in world tours, backing David Cassidy, Tom Jones, and errrrr, errrrr, Johnny Mathis. His proudest achievement (apart from Zip, Zap, Rap) is probably being the recording engineer for four Ice-T albums.
This single was released in 1986 so that slightly excuses Dave’s dodgy attire of leather fingerless gloves skin tight leather/ plastic strides and a sleeveless top. Is he wearing 2 belts?
The strategic placement of the word “zap” does not go unnoticed, neither does the half arsed attempt at facial hair.
Despite the awful 1980s look the record actually has a message to deliver. It is an anti drugs song. The banner in the top left corner says “hear our message, say no to drugs” which reminds me of Zammo and his Grange Hill mates singing “just say no”. That Grange Hill song was also released in 1986 at the height of the Just Say No campaign which was an American advertising campaign to discourage children from partaking in recreational drugs.
It is not clear if Devastatin’ Dave’s record was released as part of this anti drugs movement or if he just had something to say and felt the need to say it in rap.
Onto the song itself, it is a mixture of scat, Mr T, St Winifred’s School Choir and inoffensive rap. Maybe Dave is speaking from personal experience of drug use. I like to think that Dave woke up after 30 days in hospital having spent his whole cheque on his cocaine habit. He looked at himself in the mirror, realised he had lost a lot of weight and decided to turn his life around. He set up a cocaine hotline and left the planet with this audio legacy. Perhaps not though.
You can hear it here. Or if you’d rather just read the lyrics, they are below.
SAY NO!… NO!
SAY NO TO DRUGS!(X2)
NO TO DRUGS!(X2)
Rip dibby zap, da zip dap du wap,
This is what I call the Zip Zap Rap
Hichichichy be back in a sec,
Zippy zippa zappa gonna spend your whole cheque,
Zip dip zap, a zip wit a wabbit,
Zippy dipa wippa got a cocaine habit,
Scooby dooby bip a zip bop blam,
It started with a quarter now it is a gram,
Zoom zoom with a scooby doo bop,
Buy yourself into projects you’re tryin to cop,
Rip and a rap I wrote with a rhyme,
I think you better call the cocaine hotline,
Zip dippa wip, you call them on the phone,
A zippa dippa wip but yo habit aint gone,
It’s been flip flop days and you haven’t ate,
I could see it in your face you were losin weight
Rip rap rop smoking back to back,
Zippa dip wip and you had a heart attack
From playin baseball like Willie Mays,
Had you in that hospital for thirty days,
Flip flop flam but now you’re back,
A zippa dippa wip in your new Cadillac,
Hah, chichicha, like choking on a bone,
Zippa rippa rap you gotta leave them drugs alone,
KIDS RAP!
Don’t be a fool,
Stay in school!
Don’t get high and drive a car,
You will not get very far
Well bap boom bam you’ll be up on a pole
You got thirty people pushing but it still won’t roll
And it won’t start either cause the engine is bent
Next month you’ll be crying bout the money you spent
Kids against drugs now say it!
Don’t be a dope,
Don’t smoke that coke!
We’re talkin’ bout cocaine,
Its not good for your brain
Zoom zoom boom a zip goes your brain,
You know its only cause you’ve been smokin’ cocaine
Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta talent,
Everybody has it so use it gallant…ly
Maybe you’ll get over you will see,
That what I’m saying is really real
Like at the swap meet,
A serious deal…that could change the course of your life
It’s a lifetime contract,
Read it with caution,
Check out the small print,
You’ve got three options
The first one is to get your money
At the ‘spense of someone else’s grief
And you know that all that means good buddy,
Is that you’re a thief
Second option is a 9 to 5,
And 5 to 1 or the 1 to 9,
But if you read closely,
You’ll see you’ll be there for a long time
The third one is to go for it,
And try to get the crop of the cream,
When you get tired of drivin’,
You just hop in your limousine
Ha, a roll on
Don’t be no fool,
Drugs ain’t cool!
For me or you,
You know that this is true
A rip rap rollin’ with the pretty girls,
Zip da wip dippy with your fresh new curls,
Gooby doop bam a zoom zip wap,
Everybody to the beat let me hear a loud clap
Zip zap zoom a bop to the beat,
All the little frits put the boogie in your feet
Kids against drugs let me hear you gettin’ down,
While the rhythm of the boogie bass rocks the ground
(Asthmatic breathing solo)
(children) PARTY OVER HERE!
DON’T BE NO FOOL!
STAY IN SCHOOL!
DON’T BE A HYPE!
DON’T SMOKE THAT PIPE!
DON’T BE NO FOOL!
STAY IN SCHOOL!
YOU PEOPLE KNOW THE DEAL!
COCAINE DOES MAKE YOU ILL!
Hard times, y’all are getting harder,
Cash money is the only solution,
You gotta get hip to the system trip,
Become a soldier in the proper revolution,
Do it now baby, cause when you drop the bomb,
There won’t be nowhere for you to run,
Try to spend you last cash then you see a big flash and it’s
5 4 3 2 1
BOOM!!
It is such a shame that the B-side of this classic is just an instrumental version of Zip Zap Rap. I was kind of hoping to hear Dave’s opinion on the economy of the 1980s.
Since you are here, why not follow me on Twitter
Follow @BadAlbumCovers
Top Of The Pops
Posted: July 23, 2014 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Album art, album covers, record covers, retro, retro albums, retro music, retro records, sexy, top of the pops, TOTP 1 CommentThe TOP OF THE POPS series of albums by Hallmark ran from 1968 until 1985. Despite sharing the name with the popular BBC programme they are not linked.
The covers are very distinctive with bold colours, funky font and of course a usually semi clad lady.
I get these tweeted to me quite a lot @badalbumcovers I think they are too iconic (and sexist) to tweet them all so I have tried to collate as many as I can find and put them here instead.
These albums include some non UK issues
Enjoy.
The bad, the bad and the ugly – Part 9
Posted: March 11, 2014 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: album covers, bad album covers, bad record covers, funny album covers, funny record covers, record covers, retro, retro albums, retro music, retro records, scary album covers, scary record covers, strange album covers, strange record covers, Worst album covers, worst record covers Leave a commentThe bad, the bad and the ugly – Part 8
Posted: March 11, 2014 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: album covers, bad album covers, bad record covers, funny album covers, funny record covers, record covers, retro, retro albums, retro music, retro records, scary album covers, scary record covers, strange album covers, strange record covers, Worst album covers, worst record covers Leave a commenthttps://twitter.com/BadAlbumCovers/status/440071518060818432
The bad, the bad and the ugly – Part 7
Posted: March 5, 2014 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: album covers, bad album covers, bad record covers, funny album covers, funny record covers, record covers, retro, retro albums, retro music, retro records, scary album covers, scary record covers, strange album covers, strange record covers, Worst album covers, worst record covers Leave a commenthttps://twitter.com/MoonCompetition/status/437587620013424640
Bad Record Covers 