Christmas record covers

Since you are here, why not follow me on Twitter

There’s an almost endless supply of Christmas records. Here I celebrate the best of the worst Christmas record covers. Some of these are amazing, dome are bad and some are amazingly bad.

First up is this one that was tweeted to me by @mr_pastry @ChrisBall11 and @Stewpot

image

This one is a contender for dodgiest Santa award via @Andythatwitt

image

Another example from @mr_pastry

image

Santa is drunk at Gilley’s via @cacauencorfa

image

Christmas a go go from @ann_sequinworld

image

Arrrgghhh, look out. Cliff!
image

A selection of ‘family time’ covers
image
image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

Oh no. Gary Glitter!
image

Pass the sick bucket.
image

image

Santa has been on the disco biscuits.
image

WTF?
image

A bit inappropriate
image

Even Mo(o)re inappropriate
image

image

Yeah. Boozing kids
image

image

Go home Santa, you’re drunk.
image

This one isn’t bad. Its superb!
image

image

image

Pimp my sleigh
image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

Heino had to make an appearance
image

image

image

image

image

Since you are here, why not follow me on Twitter

Tweet me your best / worst Christmas record covers.

Update. The following have been tweeted to me since the original blog post.

From @mr_pastry
image

image

image

From @zenith242
image

From @ann_sequinworld
image

image

image

From @Once_Tricky
image

image

From @LordTed2011
image

From @keirshiels
image

From @FiDRoC
image

image

From @dominic4346
image

And finally, this quite fantastic fake
image


Heino

Since you are here, why not follow me on Twitter

Possibly the most regular artist tweeted to me on @BadAlbumCovers is the German legend Heino.

Real name Heinz Georg Kram he has been making music since 1966 and is still going strong. He has sold, quite staggeringly, over 50 million records which makes him one of Germany’s most successful artists. To put that into context, Nirvana, Bob Marley and The Spice Girls sold about 75 million each.

He was born in 1938 and has been married 3 times

People often wrongly assume he has albinism due to his dark glasses and light hair. He wears the glasses due to exophthalmos, a kind of bulging of the eyes caused by Grave’s disease which is quite rare for men. His early record covers show him without the glasses but from 1969 onwards they become his trademark.

In total I can find 44 albums, 48 singles and 63 compilations. A lot of the covers would not be out of place on my twitter feed but I think he has an uber cool look about him on some of them. I have included a selection for your enjoyment and for you to judge yourself.

Whatever you think of his record covers the fella really can sing, not that that is a requirement to appear on this blog.

Heino… He may look strange but he is a German baritone legend, I salute you sir!



image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

Since you are here, why not follow me on Twitter


Devastatin’ Dave – The Turntable Slave

Since you are here, why not follow me on Twitter

Welcome to my first blog post where I take a closer look at a bad record cover.

First up is a classic that comes up on most searches for bad album art.

Zip, Zap Rap by Devastatin’ Dave The Turntable Slave. Released on Superstar international records, produced by Wayne Henderson and engineered by Dennis ‘deaf pea’ Parker.

Not much is known about Dave, the song is credited to D Cary so I am going to assume that is Dave. We do know that this was his only record unfortunately. What we don’t know is just how devastatin’ he really was or if he ever threw off the shackles of turntable slavery.

As for Wayne Henderson, it is unclear if this is the same Wayne Henderson of The Jazz Crusaders fame but I really like to think it is.

We do know about Dennis ‘deaf pea’ Parker though. He has been nominated for 7 Grammy awards winning 2 of them along with 3 Latin Grammy awards. His former band, Allmen Joy have shared the billing with greats such as Alice Cooper, Santana, The Doors and The Velvet Underground. Parker also played in world tours, backing David Cassidy, Tom Jones, and errrrr, errrrr, Johnny Mathis. His proudest achievement (apart from Zip, Zap, Rap) is probably being the recording engineer for four Ice-T albums.

This single was released in 1986 so that slightly excuses Dave’s dodgy attire of leather fingerless gloves skin tight leather/ plastic strides and a sleeveless top. Is he wearing 2 belts?

The strategic placement of the word “zap” does not go unnoticed, neither does the half arsed attempt at facial hair.
image

Despite the awful 1980s look the record actually has a message to deliver. It is an anti drugs song. The banner in the top left corner says “hear our message, say no to drugs” which reminds me of Zammo and his Grange Hill mates singing “just say no”. That Grange Hill song was also released in 1986 at the height of the Just Say No campaign which was an American advertising campaign to discourage children from partaking in recreational drugs.

It is not clear if Devastatin’ Dave’s record was released as part of this anti drugs movement or if he just had something to say and felt the need to say it in rap.

Onto the song itself, it is a mixture of scat, Mr T, St Winifred’s School Choir and inoffensive rap. Maybe Dave is speaking from personal experience of drug use. I like to think that Dave woke up after 30 days in hospital having spent his whole cheque on his cocaine habit. He looked at himself in the mirror, realised he had lost a lot of weight and decided to turn his life around. He set up a cocaine hotline and left the planet with this audio legacy. Perhaps not though.

You can hear it here. Or if you’d rather just read the lyrics, they are below.

SAY NO!… NO!
SAY NO TO DRUGS!(X2)
NO TO DRUGS!(X2)
Rip dibby zap, da zip dap du wap,
This is what I call the Zip Zap Rap
Hichichichy be back in a sec,
Zippy zippa zappa gonna spend your whole cheque,
Zip dip zap, a zip wit a wabbit,
Zippy dipa wippa got a cocaine habit,
Scooby dooby bip a zip bop blam,
It started with a quarter now it is a gram,
Zoom zoom with a scooby doo bop,
Buy yourself into projects you’re tryin to cop,
Rip and a rap I wrote with a rhyme,
I think you better call the cocaine hotline,
Zip dippa wip, you call them on the phone,
A zippa dippa wip but yo habit aint gone,
It’s been flip flop days and you haven’t ate,
I could see it in your face you were losin weight
Rip rap rop smoking back to back,
Zippa dip wip and you had a heart attack
From playin baseball like Willie Mays,
Had you in that hospital for thirty days,
Flip flop flam but now you’re back,
A zippa dippa wip in your new Cadillac,
Hah, chichicha, like choking on a bone,
Zippa rippa rap you gotta leave them drugs alone,
KIDS RAP!
Don’t be a fool,
Stay in school!
Don’t get high and drive a car,
You will not get very far
Well bap boom bam you’ll be up on a pole
You got thirty people pushing but it still won’t roll
And it won’t start either cause the engine is bent
Next month you’ll be crying bout the money you spent
Kids against drugs now say it!
Don’t be a dope,
Don’t smoke that coke!
We’re talkin’ bout cocaine,
Its not good for your brain
Zoom zoom boom a zip goes your brain,
You know its only cause you’ve been smokin’ cocaine
Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta talent,
Everybody has it so use it gallant…ly
Maybe you’ll get over you will see,
That what I’m saying is really real
Like at the swap meet,
A serious deal…that could change the course of your life
It’s a lifetime contract,
Read it with caution,
Check out the small print,
You’ve got three options
The first one is to get your money
At the ‘spense of someone else’s grief
And you know that all that means good buddy,
Is that you’re a thief
Second option is a 9 to 5,
And 5 to 1 or the 1 to 9,
But if you read closely,
You’ll see you’ll be there for a long time
The third one is to go for it,
And try to get the crop of the cream,
When you get tired of drivin’,
You just hop in your limousine
Ha, a roll on
Don’t be no fool,
Drugs ain’t cool!
For me or you,
You know that this is true
A rip rap rollin’ with the pretty girls,
Zip da wip dippy with your fresh new curls,
Gooby doop bam a zoom zip wap,
Everybody to the beat let me hear a loud clap
Zip zap zoom a bop to the beat,
All the little frits put the boogie in your feet
Kids against drugs let me hear you gettin’ down,
While the rhythm of the boogie bass rocks the ground
(Asthmatic breathing solo)
(children) PARTY OVER HERE!
DON’T BE NO FOOL!
STAY IN SCHOOL!
DON’T BE A HYPE!
DON’T SMOKE THAT PIPE!
DON’T BE NO FOOL!
STAY IN SCHOOL!
YOU PEOPLE KNOW THE DEAL!
COCAINE DOES MAKE YOU ILL!
Hard times, y’all are getting harder,
Cash money is the only solution,
You gotta get hip to the system trip,
Become a soldier in the proper revolution,
Do it now baby, cause when you drop the bomb,
There won’t be nowhere for you to run,
Try to spend you last cash then you see a big flash and it’s
5 4 3 2 1
BOOM!!

It is such a shame that the B-side of this classic is just an instrumental version of Zip Zap Rap. I was kind of hoping to hear Dave’s opinion on the economy of the 1980s.

Since you are here, why not follow me on Twitter


Top Of The Pops

The TOP OF THE POPS series of albums by Hallmark ran from 1968 until 1985. Despite sharing the name with the popular BBC programme they are not linked.

The covers are very distinctive with bold colours, funky font and of course a usually semi clad lady.

I get these tweeted to me quite a lot @badalbumcovers I think they are too iconic (and sexist) to tweet them all so I have tried to collate as many as I can find and put them here instead.

These albums include some non UK issues

Enjoy.

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image


The bad, the bad and the ugly – Part 9


The bad, the bad and the ugly – Part 8

https://twitter.com/BadAlbumCovers/status/440071518060818432


The bad, the bad and the ugly – Part 7

https://twitter.com/MoonCompetition/status/437587620013424640